"How to love your depressed lover.
Last night I thought I kissed the loneliness from out your belly button. I thought I did, but later you sat up, all bones and restless hands, and told me there is a knot in your body that I cannot undo. I never know what to say to these things. “It’s okay.” “Come back to bed.” “Please don’t go away again.” Sometimes you are gone for days at a time and it is all I can do not to call the police, file a missing person’s report, even though you are right there, still sleeping next to me in bed. But your eyes are like an empty house in winter: lights left on to scare away intruders. Except in this case I am the intruder and you are already locked up so tight that no one could possibly jimmy their way in. Last night I thought I gave you a reason not to be so sad when I held your body like a high note and we both trembled from the effort.
Some people, though, are sad against all reason, all sensibility, all love. I know better now. I know what to say to the things you admit to me in the dark, all bones and restless hands. “It’s okay.” “You can stay in bed.” “Please come back to me again."

(via girlchoking)

Every now and again, you will send me a message and tell me of your adventures and we will fall into the habit of texting once more. And it all seems to slip too easily back into place and then we have to stop before all the wrong words come tumbling out of our mouths. The “imissyou’s” and the “istillwantyou’s” and the “istillneedyou’s”. And each time we have to say good bye all over again tears another hole in my heart. 

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I can’t seem to stop thinking about you and wishing for you and yearning to have you by my side. 

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I want you back every day of my life and I am scared I will want you back every day for the rest of my life and if I thought it would work, if we could work, and be whole once more, I would be by your side in an instant. But instead, I am forced to face reality. Forced to admit that you and I can never be and instead I grieve for us.

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